Time. It’s a Cruel Mistress. By @larrygrange

By Laurens Grainger

Time. It’s a Cruel Mistress.

It’s always confused me that. Why is it a mistress? Maybe it shouldn't be a mistress. Maybe it should be a postman.

Time. It’s a Cruel Postman.

So, the end of the SCA year is creeping up on…No No No. Postman makes no sense.

What does creep up on us then? A leopard?

Time. It’s a Cruel Leopard.

Aren’t all leopards pretty cruel though? True – no need for two words when one will do. Let’s take out cruel.

Time. It’s a Leopard.

Too abstract. (Side note: I should stop calling my ideas that make no sense whatsoever ‘Abstract’, I should just call them ‘Bad’ instead.)

Ok, if we’re not using leopard, what can we use? What’s not necessarily cruel, but is adept at creeping? Well, maybe we should start with defining what creeping is?

Dictionary says – “To move slowly and carefully in order to avoid being heard or noticed.”

So, isn’t that exactly what Time is?

Time. The Creep.

No. Now Time sounds like a greasy 55-year-old man wearing a long jacket who’s butt-naked beneath. Time wouldn’t like that.

So what’s better at creeping?

A cat? A cat burglar? A burglar?

Time. The Cruel Burglar.

Again, we can remove cruel.

Time. The Burglar.

The one who – without you realising – steals your seconds, your minutes, your life.

That’s it.

Hmmm.

Sound familiar?