Sweat, Fears and Hope

Starting at SCA was honestly one of the most intense things I’ve ever done. The moment I walked through those doors, I was TERRIFIED. Everything was new, and it felt like I teleported myself in another new weird crazy dimension. But at the same time, I was super excited and curious to see how things were going to turn out!

However, that excitement didn’t stop me from going into full panic mode, heart is racing, felt like throwing up, sweat was oozing from every single pore on your body… Things only  got worse when I learned how the year would unfold (stomach growling, nausea and all that lovely stuff).

But then, slowly, things started to shift and as we got our first briefs and I began working on projects, I started to feel myself  settling in a little.

Then week two came around, and I was starting to feel more comfortable (less sweat and fewer heart palpitations), but new insecurities started creeping in.

English isn’t my first language, so I keep overthinking everything: What if I don’t have the right words? What if no one understands me? What if my ideas sound dumb compared to native speakers?

On top of that, there’s also my background. I used to work in production management, it was extremely boring, plain, basically the opposite of this. Because of that, I often start spiralling and thinking;  What if my ideas aren’t good enough? What if I’m just not creative? What if I don’t have a good vision?

And all of this is extremely frustrating because one second I feel proud of myself and my progress but then the next I start comparing myself to others and bringing myself down.

By week three, things definitely feel a bit better (the stomach growling and sweat are slowly stopping). I’m starting to slowly grow into it and feel more at ease. Of course, my insecurities are still, and new briefs bring out new insecurities, like being scared to speak up, worried that my ideas won’t land, my vision won’t translate or that I’m not funny enough (this was literally one of my biggest concern when writing this).

But the I tell myself “Girl this is just week three!”  No one is perfect! Everyone is here to learn! It might seem like some people know what they are doing (and maybe they do) but then why are they here? Aren’t we all here to learn? To improve? To communicate? To find our voice and stay true to it?

It’s clear that things won’t be easy! We will all be faced with moments of panic, insecurity, doubt and stress. But at the end of the day we are here to learn, evolve and find our voice. So while I’m still terrified, I’m hopeful for the future and can’t wait to see how the year will unfolds.

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