Red Light, Green Light

No, this is not a review for Squid Game and no, I’m not Lorde.

I cross ten roads each morning and evening as I walk to and from the SCA. Twenty opportunities, every day, to meet a red or green light when I arrive at each crossing. On some days, I hit red after red after red after red… after red. Others, it’s smooth sailing greens all the way.

So why am I telling you this?

A few weeks into studying, I found myself facing a huge red light, only this time it was in the shape of a person trying to teach me something I clearly couldn’t understand. As I watched the light in their eyes fade, seeing hope morph into disappointment, I realised that I might face more of these red lights. I might face these red lights every day, not just in the street. In fact, I realised I had already faced some before, I had seen many. But why did it hit me only a few weeks in? Why couldn’t I realise this earlier? I’ve been hitting red lights all my life, but this one got to me.

I walked back that day and of course, every crossing was a red light, the traffic would take priority. Of all days, I really needed some green lights, I really needed that red to click green just as I hit the crossing. I felt so stupid, like I didn’t belong, and I figured I’d never find any green lights again. I found my mind wondering to the past, to places where I had met green lights and I could relive those moments over and over.

However, reality is one big fat red light. It’s a constant problem, it simply can’t be like your dreams or every success you’ve ever had, failure is a part of the everyday.

But hang on, a week later I performed stand up, we all did, and it was a success. Everyone gave a great show, all of us were funny, and not just funny but really funny. I surprised myself too, I really thought I would go up there and just survive, “get it over with” I kept saying to myself. But then a minute into my act, I found those blinding stage lights started to look a little green, and then they were vibrant green!

This must be it then, some days will be green lights and some red. It may sound obvious, but we’ve got to have both, you can’t truly appreciate one without the other. Those red light days make the green ones even sweeter.

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