Oliver – By @shein_dean

Oliver

Saturday

8am - Bed

Dean: BRO. BRO. BRO. WAKE UP! GET UP BRO! YOOOOOOO. DUDE. GET UP NOW.

Oli: Bro chill. I’m not dealing with you this early.

9:45am

Dean: “BRO, MUAMMAR AL-GADDAFI AND DAVE BIRSS WALK INTO A BAR…

Oliver: Chill bro. I have not had a coffee yet… Or a Pro Plus. I’ll see you soon.

11am - Ace Hotel, Shoreditch

Dean: Should we try and get a table?

Oliver: Nah bro fuck this place… They’re too full… Of wankers.

Dean: Where we going?

Oliver: Chill bro. I know a place.

11:15am - Barboun Restaurant, Hart Hotel, Shoreditch

Oliver: The Short Rib And Eggs please.

Dean: I’ll have what he’s having.

1pm - Nobu Hotel

Dean: Toast and Vegemite please…

Waiter: Please leave.

Oliver: Sorry about him. Bring me two of everything… And then double it. And while we’re waiting, bring us your finest sashimi.

2pm – Some stupid café

Oliver: Bro we should probably do some work.

Dean: What’s work?

Oliver: Bro I want to send Marcos some SMP’s.

Dean: Give me one for Uzbekistan...

Oliver: Feel like that last man on earth.

Dean: I don’t get it.

Oliver: You got any?

Dean: Ye. Maldives. For a limited time only. Speaking of limited time only, my computer is about to die. Brb. I need to buy a charger. I’ve lost mine.

Oliver: Bro, focus. It’s chilled. Maldives could work. Any others?

Dean: Nah, the rest are dog shit.

Oliver: Alright let’s do some work on some D&AD.

Dean: Fuck that. I wanna work on my comedy.

Oliver: Bro you’re funny everyday. We gotta do Green stream.

Dean: Fuck Green stream. I don’t fuck with the name. What about DEAN STREAM. And it’s just a 24 hour loop of me screaming.

Oliver: Bro focus… Hmmm. Green stream. Clean stream. Stream Green. 1080p. High-Def… Standard-Def. Holy shit… That’s it. GREEN-DEF.

Dean: Bro let’s go for a wine with Matt.

Oliver: Bro... GD!!

Dean: Bro we’ve both streamed too much porn in HD to undo our sins. But ye let’s do it.

Oliver: Okay bro. Any others?

Dean: Tell ‘em intel.

Oliver: It’s a great line but there’s no real idea behind it.

Dean: Ye true. And YULA... It could be about mental energy.

Oliver: Ye, like a shower for your mind.

Dean: Bro that’s a great idea. I think I’ll go have a shower.

Oliver: Bro chill. You can shower on the plane. We’re going first class, remember.

6pm - Heathrow Airport:

FINAL CALL

Oliver: Bro stop fucking around. I’m sure you can buy Skittles when we get there.

Dean: Bro. These are limited edition. One sec.

5am – Murtala Muhammed International Airport, Lagos, Nigera.

Nigerian man holding up a sign with 'DEAN' & 'OLIVER': Hello Boys. I’m so glad we could finally meet after all our emails.

Oliver: Yo. Here is my Notion login. Everything you need to set up your own SCA can be found there.

Nigerian man no longer holding up the sign: Great. Great. I have even legally changed my name to ‘Marc Lewis’. Are you boys ready for the time of your lives?

Oliver: Yes sir!

10 min later

Dean: Can we stop for some Skittles?

Oliver: Bro chill.