By Laurens Grainger

You can’t make Cream without Milk

Sometimes I sit, just dreaming of the taste,

Of that delicious dairy drink that I down with such haste.

It’s a little bit creamy and watery too,

Actually, that sounds awful, but trust me, it’s cool.

It’s like heaven on earth but in a mug, I think.

A taste so astounding, you’ll never pour it down the sink.

An incredible liquid, it’s versatile too,

You can find it in your tea, your Starbucks, your Haagen Dazs and your Yazoo.

It welcomes dipping, sipping but no leather whipping,

Cause it’s got a reputation to uphold, and surely we don’t want it dripping?

For biscuits, it’s their defining moment, but some can’t cope.

Well, hobnobs perform admirably, but rich teas – they have no hope.

I feel for the lactose intolerant, they haven’t got it easy.

Just a taste of it makes them feel feint and gets their stomach feeling queasy.

What that means though, is that there’s more for me.

I’ll gladly drink it until I run out or until I’m bursting for a wee.

Milk does have one thing that isn’t so nice,

Something that’ll put you off it or make you think twice.

The origin of the drink is a weird old thing,

See, it drips out a cow’s tit, which is actually pretty ming.

But just block that out your memory and count to three,

Then head to the kitchen and make yourself a glass, or pour it in your tea…