By Rachel Ogbaretin

Would I fight you for pizza?

 

I’m not the fighting kind, although I’m always ready to destroy the ruling class and give the means of production back to the working man, I am more of debater than a fighter but if I were given the chance to fight someone in hand in hand combat for pizza would I take it? Would I win?

 

Let’s go through this cohort and find out.

 

Forest: To be honest there’s no point, that’s Martha kill, forest is simply a dead man walking, it’s  only a matter of time till Martha finally ends it.

 

Leli: Never. leli is literal sunshine, she one of the reasons I don’t have vitamin D deficiency.   

 

Tom: On principle I have to fight tom, not only for my pride but to assert my dominance over the group by taking down their strongest. I may fall but at least I came down swinging

 

Andy: Yes and not because I want his powerful toned thighs. He once dissed Beyonce and as a fellow sister I have no choice but to take him down.

 

Victoria: No because I know i’ll be dead before that thought even cross my mind.

 

Mary: I would fight anyone who even thought of hurting Mary. So I would have to kick my own ass for this one.

 

Marta: Like forest I to fear for my safety around Marta. I have too much to live for.

 

Tarun: Tarun told me I can’t meet his hot mum because I will flirt with her, which is true. So we might as well get this fight over with.

 

Dj: I will manifest into DJ house and beat him up and then give him a tampon for the wounds.

 

Joise: Maybe,  I’ll get a good fight out of her since I think we’re evenly matched, although she seems like the type to play a little dirty.

 

Maddy: Yes. I need her to stop using that bad vape flavour and fighting her is the only way.

 

Ruby: The only reason he’s not getting an ass whooping is because of vic

 

Zoe: Yeah and there 50% chance I could win.

 

Antonio: Me and Antonio have a mother-son relationship, and I don’t hit my children.

 

Max: Nah he’s cool

 

Alex t: Maybe depends on my mood that day, definitely if hungry.

 

Alex b: I am a friend to all Canadians so I need to keep appearances, so no also she let be sit in her house.

 

Dan: Mentally yes, physically no, I’ve seen him in shorts.

 

Jacob: Physically yes, mentally no.

 

Karlina: Sadly no, Karalina’s strength is stealth, and I’m too tired to play the long con with her.

 

Phil: Phil is my bard , who will weave great tales of my victories If I kicked his butt.

 

Sophie: I feel fighting her would hurt me more than her in the end, so no.  

 

Joe r: He’s a good boi so no.  

 

Coco: Fighting Coco would make leli sad so no.

 

Aleks: I’ll lose before I even tried, she could stare at me and I would turn into dust.

 

Germina: I have too much fear and respect for her to try that shit.

 

Charles: For the pizza’s sake I think i could take him.

 

Patxi: I will use his weakness against him when fighting him. Ponds.

 

Holly: I don’t wanna do that to a fellow shy person.

 

Joe f: I live near him and I don’t want to make my daily computes awkward cuz I kicked his butt.  

 

Lauren: Lauren has many skills that’s I not fully aware of, so I not taking my chances with that one.

 

Lucy: Lucy looks like a hair puller so gonna need a haircut before I try my luck.

 

Dean: Dean is a wild card and I’m just too curious not to know how he fights

 

Saphire: Vegans are known for the mysterious powers but I have McDonald burger voucher so watch out.  

 

Jemma: I feel bad trying to fight her since everyone knows to go for the knees. No honour. No glory.

 

Alfie: he’s a man of the earth, and I will return him to it. Become one of the ground my boi.

 

Joe b: has a tactical height advantage and too many unknowns.  

 

Rachel: Yes.

 

Bonus

Marc: Only if that’s the way to become the next dean of sca.

 

Max: Fighting her would be like fighting my mum and I love my mum very much.

 

Marica: I would kick my own ass.

 

If you feel these hot takes are wrong please meet me behind the weatherperson during the full moon to test your skills.

Tarun is in charge of all betting arrangements.