Who are you? @marionaulas

jessica gough jessicagough | October 12, 2017

Posted in Blog, Front, Keep

By Marion Aulas

Deanna’s exercise about who we are made me think a lot. In fact, this was to me really hard and disturbing to have to describe myself on a piece of paper. The first part of the exercise, write for others, was pretty easy. I was not afraid of what people could write on my back, I know people here are kind. But things get more difficult when it comes to getting face to face to myself.

It’s always a bad moment when I have to think about who I am, what do I stand for, what kind of person I represent in the world, for what I’m here. I don’t know. That’s my sentence.
But I tried, I decided to take a deep breathe, just grab my pen and think about what describes me the most.

And then, a third part of the exercise, when I discovered all the nice things written on my back, I was kind of relieved. Nice words. More than that, I was grateful. I wanted to hug everyone that wrote these amazing words. But this SCAB is not about that.

Most of my reflections about this class came after. When I get back home, my best friend calls me and I told her about my day and this exercise. And discuss that with her made me think about the representation of you and perceptions.
In fact, I really believe in what we did, I think it helps me to see me with another point of view and to try to remove filters I always put in front of my eyes over the years when I look at me. But also, I thought about the different perceptions people can have and YOU can have or give to others.

2 years ago, I studied psycho-sociology and learn about a famous French author/psychologist: Serge Moscovici. He initiated the social representation theory. To do short because I’m not a psychologist myself, he explains that we have in life a few social representation: the representation we have of ourselves, the representation we give to others and the representations others make about us. The link between this theory and Deanna’s course is obvious.

And the limit between the last 2 representations is almost invisible. It’s hard to see the shades. And also, everything is subjective and everyone has his own filter when you think about someone. Even for yourself, you have filters, more or less depending on the person.

So how can you discover who you are?
I think there is no better person than yourself to know that. But sometimes, it helps to have people telling you (writing you): you’re confident. You’re brave. You’re smiley. Because people tell you what they see.
Of course, they can see a fake person you built because you don’t want to be yourself in front of them. But to me, I know I’m natural since I arrived in SCA. I’m honest, I tell what I think (as much as I can in English), I’m trying to be myself. There was nothing to win. People just wrote it because they think it.

It’s a step. People opinions are important, I don’t say it’s not, but there is only one who really matters at the end and who can allow you to crush it.

But to attempt your goals, to know who you really are and for what you stand for, there is no other way than letting go fears, shame and stress, and simply believe in yourself and what you think? And just do it.