What A Douche

Perfectionism is a concept most people are aware of. It’s prevalent in any sort of creative industry and ours is no exception. It’s the unreasonable and self- defeating ambition of getting something absolutely right. There are two definitions, and a spectrum between them, which are important to consider. Many people at the school I think probably experience it in some way.

Adaptive perfectionism can be positive for some people. Their high standards can help to motivate them whilst not destroying their self esteem. They aren’t hyper critical of their work. People with this kind of perfectionism often use it as a humble brag. It implies you are simply meticulous in striving for great standards and it makes you sound like a douche when you talk about it.

The other kind of perfectionism is purely destructive. Maladaptive perfectionists feel a constant pressure to meet unrealistic standards. The origins of it lie in the imagination, in the ease with which we can conjure up a picture of an ideal state of affairs, compared with the monstrous difficulty of bringing such a state into being.

The sickness of perfectionism gestates in the fertile gap between our noble visions and our mediocre reality. It’s a self indulgence that has plagued my creative life for so many years and I’ve let it smear great opportunities throughout my time at SCA. It’s pathetic.

I wrote a SCAB eluding to this issue in the summer before I arrived at the school. For quite some time I’ve known I have a serious issue with it. I’ve seen how its destroyed a lot of opportunities I’ve had in my life and how its held me back from achieving what I want. Yet still I can’t seem to learn from it and there’s no excuse for it. I am so tired of it but I still haven’t been able to change.

Theres no time left to vacillate with it now – we’re heading into term 3 very soon. I am going to make it a priority to work on this over the break. I am not sure how yet, but I’m going to try and be a douche. Im going to try and embrace my mediocracy and embrace the mistakes.