By Chloe Cordon

Vibe Killah

Vibez this week have been well off. Like, well off. I’ve got them unproductive vibez. Them unhappy vibez. Them frustrated vibez. Them pessimistic vibez. Bitch, please kill my vibez.

Stress has ramped up in the studio. It’s palpable. To the point where I just want to make it a Horlicks and give it a shoulder rub. Chill out stress. No stress. Go home stress, you’re stressful. The pressure a table can put on you, eh? I mean like a table in excel or something. Like a graph table. I imagine there are some mega heavy desk tables out there which would put pressure on you too. But that’s not the kind I mean. And excel tables can put the pressure on too you know.

6 SMPs a week. 2 of which you develop. And the first week is a breeze compared to what’s coming. We’ve a shed load of ideas we’re trying to develop at the same time. Whilst trying to get out of the studio and see the sky. Ah, the sky. I used to love the sky. Back when I saw the sky. But this week I panicked. Got all fidgety and my hair was messy and the best word I can think of is harrowed. I was harrowed by the panic from the pressure. And it paralysed me. I was paralysed by the panic from the pressure. IT’S MADE ME WELL UNPRODUCTIVE.

Like that was the opposite of what was supposed to happen. I was supposed to be an SMP machine spitting them out like those tennis ball machines spit out tennis balls. Want another? Coming right up. BOOM SMP coming @ u. Nope. No. It just didn’t happen. And I think it’s because I got scared. I’m not ashamed to say it. I GOT SCARED. And I think that’s because firstly I am a very fickle person. I change my mind all the time. I’m about as emotionally stable as Kerry Katona. Life is a rollercoaster, as Ronan Keating would say, but I’m vomiting all over the shop and I want to get off. I’ve lost my hat, my glasses, and my dignity. I need to slow down and think and get my shit together and mop up the chunks of carrot. Then, and only then, can I get back on.

Which leads me neatly onto my second reason. Like I just drifted into it on one of them hover boards. So smooth. Anyway. I haven’t reflected. I’ve just kind of got on with it. Never sat back and thought about anything, or wondered how to do it, or just calmed the fuck down. Instead I watched a documentary with a dog in a garbage crusher and it made things even worse.
So, I suppose I’m reflecting on not reflecting and it feels kinda meta, which was in last month, right?