SCABs

Trust the Physician. – By @SergeantPluck

By Tom Flynn

 

Trust the Physician.

 

Quite a few of us have been struggling lately. I’ve heard it expressed by a number people. This is a painful process. We all have high standards. And our self-esteem is tied to our work. You can imagine how we might feel when our work isn’t as good as we need it to be.

I was recently in the throes of that vicious cycle myself. Not three weeks ago, I was working myself to death and getting not one iota nearer to where I needed myself, and my work to be. I was trusting the system, but I was terrified some inherent flaw in me was causing it to fail.

At the lowest point, I asked for help. I asked Marc for help. He told me to talk to Pete, and ten minutes with Pete made me feel immeasurably better. By Wednesday that week I was myself again. I think if I’m ever to descend back into those gloomy depths while I’m here, I’ll be alright. I know my way out of the murk now.

But I’d been looking around recently, and I saw a lot of people in that dark place where I’d just been.  And despite my obvious arseholishness, I really can’t bear to see people hurting. I’ll always try to help. But I was worried that the problem may in fact be a violence inherent in the system.

I thought, and said as much to Marc, that sometimes the way he manages and motivates people is erring on the side of irresponsible. Now irresponsible is a lurid choice of word, but still. The school’s model of break down and rebuild I feel at times necessitates exactly that, breaking. And that breaking entails an erosion of a sense of self-worth. I don’t think that’s good for anyone’s head, especially not heads already a little achy.

Marc and I had a proper chat about it today, and I feel far better. We’re important to him. Our health is important to him. The responsibility of shepherding us safely through this ordeal is one that ways heavy on his shoulders and that he takes my concerns very seriously. I understand a little better now his ways and know he’s capable of neither malice nor negligence toward anyone of us. He’s still odd, but he’s real decent.

I know that doesn’t do much for those of us whose heads aren’t in a great space right now. I’m sorry, all I can tell you is that if you are feeling blue a chat will always help, and I’m always up for a chat. 

I wish there was an easy fix but if there is, I don’t know it. Just know that pain is at the heart of growth, and it will get better. I keep quotes above my bed, and one of the ones I always return to might just give you some solace, it certainly got me through darker days than these;

 

“Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self. Therefore, trust the physician and drink his remedy in silence and tranquillity.”

 

― Khalil Gibran

 

Easy, Tom.

 

 

The copy scores 79.9 in the Flesch Reading Ease test

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