By Mary Kerr
‘This is so going to be your year.’
‘This year is totally going to be your year.’ This is the line that has always been so emphatically shared between friends and family as the clock strikes midnight on New Years Eve. ‘Yes, this is going to be my year’ I used to think. Cut to a year later – ‘This really is going to be your year this year!’ Year after year I’ve agreed in full belief that by some magical alignment of stars and the burning of wishes that everything will wondrously fall into place. And every year that I agree that the next year will be my year it seems as if I am banishing the previous year to a heap of failed years past. It’s only recently that I’ve started thinking about what exactly a ‘my year’ would look like to me.
As I crawl into 2019 in a blur of exhaustion and an outbreak of eczema ‘This is going to be your year’ made me let out a defeated laugh last night. I laughed at the way I used to think that something dramatic would happen in my life. I smiled at the way I used to think in black and white and about what I used to think ‘my year’ should look like. One that was very me focused. With every passing year what I now feel the best year I can give myself and my family is, is that I try. The one thing my Dad always said to do in life is to try. Then there can be no regrets.
I wanted to write this SCAB about a film I wouldn’t usually watch. I was so looking forward to kicking back and watching a foreign film that would reignite my passion for cinema. I haven’t had a chance. We went to see Mary Poppins which I loved but I loved watching the magic entering the children’s heads as they watched with their eyes lit up. My review would be that although I love Emily Blunt as an actress I think the new Mary Poppins is bit up herself. Especially after all of her nit picking about manners, to leave on an umbrella into the sky without saying goodbye seemed a bit rude.
I wanted to read a book that I wouldn’t usually read but the fact that I am hiding in the bathroom to write this scab shows what little chance I have had to do that either. Between my step daughter, a niece, a nephew, a mum in hospital, being appointed in charge of Christmas in my family with extended family coming and going and other commitments this Christmas has been full on. I googled shortest books and just managed to read A Very Old Man With Enormous Wings before lunch today. I know that there were more religious undertones to it but I loved that for me it highlighted a important truth – that we often don’t appreciate or understand what is right there in front of us. Sometimes we just see what we can take from something or what something or someone can do for us. Sometimes we misunderstand others and abandon them for people who just agree with us. And sometimes we sit in regret for not spending the time in the present but worrying about this and that in the past and future.
And ultimately I related to that. Because with the passing of close friends and relatives last year and with older relatives who need more support and care, all I have wanted to do this Christmas is be with them. The idea of sitting in a shopping centre for an hour and people watching has felt like the ideal holiday at some point to me over this break but I know I won’t get this time with family back again. And so instead of remaining in this bathroom any longer I do want to go and help the children put on their dance display. I’m glad I made a treasure hunt yesterday. I’m glad I’m visiting my mum later. I’m glad we drove to the closed bookshop. I’m glad I got to take the photo of all of the furious children on a winter’s walk. And I will get the work done. And I will do my best.