By Jacob de Figueiredo

The search for meaning.

Hi gang, hope everyone’s had a great half term and such.

I’ve been trying to do a lot of self reflection over this half term, just felt like the perfect time to lay on grass as the sun sets over gods green shire county, listen to the birds and ponder what the hell i’m actually doing with myself. A theme that’s consistently brought up at school and something that I feel I’m constantly ignoring. The power of finding out who you are as a person and what your P U R P O S E on this earth is. It feels a lot like, once you’ve done that whole purpose thing, lord knows you can probably go on to do whatever your tiny heart desires. 

There’s nothing worse than feeling scared and unsure of the person you are and what you want to achieve in life. What your purpose is. Your mind is racing 100mph while you desperately try to work out the reason for doing anything, every small task is met with indecision and it eats you up. 

Finding purpose and meaning is something I’ve struggled with waaaaay before I joined this school and with just over a month left before we finish I’m struggling with it more than ever (yay). The pressure is suffocating me and instead of tackling it head on like anyone else would, I seem to be sinking into some existential crisis consumed by panic and an endless barrage of questions and self doubt.

The search for meaning is the highest thought we can have, who made me and I’m gunna make other things, I guess it feels like advertising fits into that pretty well, maybe? Not sure. Feels a bit forced. 

I guess the thought that “nothing means anything” is one that I used to think about regularly back in the day when I was pretty much just existing and floating through the universe without a destination. So it’s kinda weird that now i’ve been met with this incredible opportunity and surrounded by incredible motivating people who do have purpose, I’m more lost than ever.

 But I was thinking, the knowledge that nothing matters, while accurate, actually gets you nowhere. The further back you pull from the world, the more true this statement becomes. But, when you zoom in on earth and into a family, into a human brain, into a child’s experience and their hopes and dreams, you see things that do actually matter. 

I think once you get past that terrifying thought that nothing really matters, then every place becomes the centre of the universe and every moment is the most important moment. 

Think I’ve gotta do a lot more living in the now, thank god I have scabs like these to poor out my thoughts into a text document and send them into the world. 

I just hope that once I find my purpose, everything will just make… sense. 

Peace and love xox