I forgot that it is not easy to start friendships. At the beginning of every relationship, you have to play. In love affairs be a hunter, in friendships be a child, at work be a man.
At SCA, my favorite moment is from 9 to 9.30, when I find myself in a nursery school with 53 students desperately trying to interact. “Play Hard” becomes “Hard to Play”. Even superficially, getting to know so many people is difficult, let alone being accepted. I think of us as children with experience. I am also very excited about the dynamics that we are developing. Living eight hours a day in our “church” feels like being in the Big Brother, in an anthropological experiment with people as similar as they are different. I wish there were cameras! And I leave the many anecdotes for the next SCAb.
I wish I could talk more about who I met and what I learned already, but I have to be self-centered now. I consider myself as an observer, someone pragmatic. I find it difficult not to instinctively select who I want to analyze and understand. It happens all the time – in restaurants, in the subway, and especially at SCA – and I feel I have no control over this. I constantly look for someone that gives me more than the others, someone that “tells me something real”. I think I would be a perfect example for the Rush Hour Crush brief… I don’t hate anyone in particular, nor has anyone ever given me nothing. There is always something to learn from everyone, even from the worst enemy.
It has been a long time since I wrote anything, I feel like I am out of practice. How will I ever get to 500 words? This will not be easy.
When we speak, thoughts go straight from the brain to the tip of the tongue. When we write, they overlap and then explode, like a knot on a water pipe. Oh by the way, I am dyslexic – so don’t tell the others. What I can never figure out is why do I need to be in a bad mood if I have to write. I feel I should probably ask Ian to tell me more about file sizes (just kidding!). Now that I think about it, my best writings were always love messages, particularly those unpaid back.
I also want to stress the fact that I love being difficult to understand when I speak. My accent and my “Engl-Italian” make two people understand very differently the same concepts. I leave them the option and the freedom to let imagination run wild (at SCA this might be dangerous though). Usually, I like asking flooring questions and getting people out of their comfort zones… For the moment, I am just limiting myself to being the funny Italian. Easy! “Buongiorno, I am sooorry”.
And now onto my last words, how incredible!
Many from the staff told us to enjoy the first few months because the worst comes last. To me from the point of view of personal relationships, now is the hardest! On the first day we planted our seeds – we tried to get to know everyone – yet few will grow and become flowers. I hope that by the end of the year five or six of them do. Usually, I am known for my green thumb.
I like to think that our relationships will eventually become all very different and that individuals will change because subject to various forces. All flows – Panta Rhei – and December will quickly arrive. There is a common belief that if you pay too much attention to others you don’t evolve as a person. I actually think this is how you come to truly know yourself. It is like reading a book, we don’t write it, but we reinterpret it and see it from another perspective; we make it our own and we grow. Thanks to you I now know we share anxieties, fears and vices. I don’t feel alone. The fear I have for our future briefs doesn’t bother me anymore – what worries me are relationships. Knowing what to do is often easier than putting yourself into someone else’s shoes.
People these days give me the strongest emotions. Like ups and downs on a swing, I go from total euphoria to a sense of sadness. Some mornings I feel trapped, depressed about going to class. It’s as if I was keeping a secret that I can’t share – but like in this situation, you feel better once you do.
Every night I come home, tired but happy and satisfied.
P.S.: It was probably funnier to talk about Josh’s – a.k.a Lipstick – mushrooms. You know, sharing is caring…