The deep dark confession and the nasty shock – By @josieaefinlay

Marc lewis | September 25, 2018

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By Josie Finlay

 

The deep dark confession and the nasty shock

 

My name’s Josie, and I’m a model student. Well, I was, once. I’ve got a great degree from a great uni. I’ve got so many A*s I need to have a monthly clearout. Bad marks? Forget it. Detentions? Not in my vocab, hun.

 

Admitting this in a SCAB feels taboo, like confessing I fancy members of my close family. The creative world needs rebels and rulebreakers, those who speak back and question the Man! It’s way cooler to have learned our trade from failing at school and getting to grips with the real world, rather than from spelling tests and essays.

 

I don’t see myself as particularly risk averse. I’ll always ask for a dare when I’m playing Truth or Dare. And I’m not like, obsessed with authority. But for most of my life, I’ve just about toed the line, and generally done kind of fine. Which means that I’ve not really encountered a huge amount of negative feedback. So Thursday came as a bit of shock.

 

Marc gave us feedback for our scholarship videos, and made some useful comments about mine. He was clearly unimpressed. Detecting a clear lack of enthusiasm for my work, I grilled him, demanding the truth. If I’d done badly, I needed to know exactly how badly, and I wanted the full sting of the negative feedback. So I asked for a mark out of 10.

 

‘Three.’ said Marc.

 

30%. Ouch. Fine. I probed further, asking what the Main Issue was with my video.

 

‘Well, it made me feel…nothing. Apathy,’ spake Marc.

 

Apathy?? Ew. That didn’t feel good. I know my video had plenty of flaws but I’d have preferred ‘confusion’ [this is such a strange project] or ‘disgust’ [you put anchovies on your face] or maybe technological inexpertise [you clearly used iMovie for this you Luddite]. But apathy? That’s hands down the least sexy emotion to evoke. Apathy. It’s dull. Beige. Lukewarm. Damp. Drab. Limp.

 

Apathy is all those things, but I’ll tell you what it’s not. It’s not allowed to have any association with me ever again. I will not permit it. It’s time to ditch the vanilla, take some risks and try hard to make stuff that evokes actual real feeling. Thank god and Marc for bad feedback, I’ve been gliding long enough.