By Henry Garnett
Stream of Consciousness
I keep running away from my potential. I think a lot of people do. I think its inexcusable. Every time I get close to doing something good or something really creative I fuck it up for myself. I’m pissed off about it. I hate the amount of time I’ve wasted by covering myself up so the world can’t see me. It’s so cowardly. What is the point of protecting yourself so nobody else can see you. It’s to avoid failure. It’s to avoid judgment. But by avoiding failure you avoid success. You vacillate in insecurity whilst missing the proper opportunity to learn and develop. I’m so anxious right now because I can feel the ground moving beneath me. The end is coming so quickly and I can feel that fear of failure cocooning around me every day. We’re facing the end of our time here and it’s constricting my perspective at times. It’s given me more of a tunnel vision but at the same time it’s making me feel rushed and doubtful of my own progression.
We have to open ourselves out to the world and up for auction very soon. We should have been doing it all year really. Marc says we should all be trying to get famous but for some reason I just shy away from that at any opportunity. I know he’s right but it seems to make no difference to me. The room felt a bit more anxious this week because I think it’s dawning on quite a few of us. It’s all getting very real. We’re going to be fending for ourselves soon enough and a lot of people don’t feel ready. The day is getting closer though and I guess there’s no point turning your eyes away from it now.
I want to make a book that I am proud of and I’m not there yet. To be honest I don’t feel very close. The next 8 days is really important to me but I’m very much looking forward to getting out of London and into some different scenery. I’m going to try and stop running away from opportunities and face them with some sort of fortitude. We’ve got a few challenges coming our way over the next few weeks but for me the biggest thing is putting myself out there. I need to turn up and face the music.