By Megan Egan
Stranded in the ocean with no gin and tonic
I spent the bank holiday weekend on the Isle of Wight, the first time I’ve ever been. It’s a whole different world to London, the pace is slower and you can leave your car unlocked without fear of it being stolen.
Nick picked us up from Portsmouth harbour on his boat on Friday night. It turns out you can’t drink on the jetty, but I managed to sweet-talk my way out of trouble by joking with the bouncer that Nick would probably be picking us up on a canoe. To my pleasant surprise, the boat had an engine, great – my arms were tired from lifting my wine glass.
I’ve never been on a rib boat before. It’s funner than it looks, but it also gives your vagina a real bashing, and not in a good way.
The village was gorgeous, everyone was so friendly and there were cute little pubs, bakeries and butchers. Proper quaint English vibes.
On Sunday night, we took a break from our work to take the boat out at sunset. The water was so calm, it was beautiful. Unfortunately, in our haste to get out there we forgot one important thing – the petrol. Maybe this boat will become a canoe after all.
So, floating in the ocean waiting to be rescued by pimms-wielding islanders with a jerry can, we began to realise just how small and helpless we really were, and it was beautiful.
To our right, there was a thunderstorm over Portsmouth, with every beautiful lightening strike reflecting across the sea. To our left, was a glorious sunset which made the sky look like it was on fire. We even got treated to the odd firework too. The full moon was the brightest I’d ever seen it, and made the water glisten.
It was 20 minutes into stranding, and the G&T supplies were running low. We started discussing who we’d eat first – it definitely wouldn’t be Joe. We’d need his cooking skills to make a human arm taste good. Luckily, we just about managed to avoid cannibalism, and it wasn’t long before a boatload of jeering locals arrived, filming Nick’s embarrassment and providing us with more alcoholic substances.
It was the kind of night you just couldn’t plan. As we bobbed along, admiring the power of mother nature, while also nervously keeping an eye on the path of the thunderstorm, we all knew we wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.
Despite having petrol now, we weren’t in a rush to get back. We tied the two boats together and lay there for an hour or two. Nature called, so myself and Ben had to pop over the side of the boat. And I can tell you, it was the most glorious piss I’ve ever been for, Ben even went several times. I only wish I hadn’t had several pairs of eyes staring at me while I was doing it.
Thanks for a great weekend guys!