S&M 2.0 by @JezzaFonteneau

The Dean bigadminjobs | April 22, 2015

Posted in Blog, Front, Keep

Jérémy Fonteneau

By Jeremy Fonteneau

 

S&M 2.0

A few days ago, we had a really long town hall because of the work we delivered the day before. According to me, it was one of the worst work I ever did at SCA2.0. Marc asked us to write what we thought of the work we produced. I didn’t write anything, I drew a turd. Unpolished.

Then Marc started to pick some of us to bully in front of everyone. He didn’t pick me at first, I don’t know why, but I wanted to be bullied so I asked for it.

It was like giving the whip to Marc, and wait for it to crack.

I don’t know what annoys me the most, that he played the video again or the first sentence he said after watching it for the 2nd time. « Oh yeah this work really annoyed me. » These words still resonate in my head. After a long not really polite monologue, Marc asked how we felt about being bullied. It surprisingly felt good. Really good. 

Sometimes, when my work is bad, I prefer to hide behind a smile because I’m too proud to show that I’m ashamed of my work. I prefer to laugh at it as if I didn’t care because I was better than that. I’m not better than my work, I am what I produce. And it made me think, you have to care. And most importantly, you have to show you care. Otherwise no one will care about it, no one will care about you.

But this time, there was no smile to hide my shame. I showed I care. That’s why I asked to be bullied. 

And I know why it felt good afterwards. There was no pride anymore, just the knowledge that my work was shit, and that I can do better.

And this last one still resonates in my head; I can do better.

So he didn’t shoot me down, he shot me up.

Should I say thank you (master)?