By Phillip Laskaris

 

S.C.A.

 

We all know what SCA stands for, but what else could it stand for? 

School of Constant Arpeggios (An institution where the harmonies never stop.)

Sociology of Conquistadores and Apache (How Spanish colonists interacted with Native Americans.)

Scorching Cardio Abstinence (Never working out.)

Shuffling Cards Absentmindedly (That common trait people have, where they shuffle cards absentmindedly.)

Soaring Californian Alligator (An “extinct” creature that I believe is very much so still terrorizing the greater Los Angeles area.)

Scrotal Correction Assistance (If a gentleman’s uncomfortable, this service fixes that issue.)

Some Canned Asbestos (Never know when you’re gonna need it.)

Stereo Cardiac Amplification (Hear your heartbeat in surround sound)

String Cheese Adhesive (Allows you to re-connect your string cheese when you’ve pulled it apart too much. Edible adhesive, naturally.)

Sofa Control Authority (Makes sure everything is up to snuff.)

Stupid Child Appraisal (Find out just how stupid your child is.)

Sour Cream Applicator (A butter knife, but JUST for sour cream.)

Suspiciously Cordial Anteaters (Ants never know whether to trust them or not.)

School for Concerned Ants (Ants are so stressed these days.)

Sweet Corn Appreciation (Never a bad time to support sweet corn.)

Support for Chris Angel (He’s been really down of late.)

Sorry Christina Applegate (I really messed that one up.)

Sliced Carrots Anonymously (A service that dices your carrots without you ever knowing.) 

Slaughter Carrots Anonymously (A hood for when you want to murder your carrots, but not tell them it’s you.)

Seriously Considering Apples (Or should I have a pear?)

Self-Cleaning Animals (Pets that know how to use shampoo.)

Silent Church Administrators (People that make sure church is quiet when it needs to be.)

Speakers for Communism in Astronomy (Each planet should get the same amount of sunlight.)

Steel Coated Armbands (You want your child to swim, but it shouldn’t be easy.)

Swearing Chefs Anonymous (Curse your sue chef out, with them knowing.)

Should Criminals Adopt? (Probably not.)

Skin Cats Alive (Popular subgroup of neo-nazis.)

Smoking Creates Angles (They’re easier to see in the smoke.)

Seagull Commits Adultery (This one’s personal. You know who you are.)

Shaving Causes Acne (Try it out for yourself.)

Sailing Cures Acne (Why are all pirates called Captain Black Beard?)

Shouting Can be Annoying (Yeah, that’s true.)

Shark Charmer Apprenticeship (Snake charmers are so 2008.)

School Custodian Aborts (Classrooms haven’t been cleaned for DAYS.)

Slavic Cuisine Allowed (An open space where Perogie sharing is encouraged.)

Sorting Chairs Alphabetically (That’s an armchair, that’s a dining chair)

Send Convicts to Antarctica (It worked with Australia, why not further?)

Surgeons with Cardiac Arrest (Terrible timing.)

Stylish Cat Armchair (Every feline deserves one.)

Sexy Corpse Alert (It’s really a victimless crime.)

Some Chimps be Armed (I’m always packing when I visit the zoo, just in case.)

 

If you read each other these, I congratulate you and I’m sorry. 

PSA: If you’re moving to London and need a flatmate, shoot me an email. My email is phillaskaris@gmail.com. Looking forward to meeting you all.