Phoenix – By @karolinakezdi

Marc lewis | September 19, 2018

Posted in Blog|Front|Home|Keep

By Karolina Kezdi

 

Phoenix

I was rejected from SCA this year, and Marc Lewis told me that I’m average. This could tremendously hurt, even more, if you feel you did your best. So, if my best is not enough, I’m not enough; not creative enough, not gifted enough, not charming enough, not fishpie-friendly enough and not rainproof enough.

Then I approached something, I am actually good at enough: self-pity. After two days of constant mantra of self-excuses, I realised, instead of getting annoyed by my bullshit, I shouldn’t waste me time. I can not afford that at the moment, because I have a challenging mission I want to achieve before I turn 30. I’d like to be the cream of the crop, beat the gravity on my body and make my name a truthful, quality-obsessed and recognisable brand.

I was pissed off. You pissed me of dear SCA, and this anger drives me to start fighting for myself. I’m Miley Cyrus on the wrecking ball, or a huge yellow bulldozer, except if I have to fight for myself. I could be a vibrant amazonian princess for 35 pence, when the self cashier gives me the full price instead of the reduced one (ok, i am broke). I have a strong voice for highbrow convictions, for silly convictions and for my ‘Michael Jackson is still alive’ theory. Incorrection and powerlessness turns me into the Hulk, I’m the Tiger Mom of any group I belong. But I’m paralyzed, if I have to do the same for myself. I can not push my interests just for my own benefit. ‘Till now.

SCA already changed me, before I even started my first day.

I just knew, I have to find my way here. I need the best. I want the best. I’m a maximalist, I’m a megalomaniac and quite relentless.

Ian Hands asked me on the application day, if I’d applied to another advert school. I said no, and his next question was why? That made me think. He was right, if this is my path, I need to place myself in the circle. I did, thanks to this seed he hinted. I’m still consist to my answer. I chose SCA, and only SCA because of their values and beliefs. SCA stands for the same what I stand for. I want to be proud of where I belong. And one day they will be proud of me, too. Pinky promise.

And after it happened maybe I should use Woody Allen’s quote when I tell my story: “I’d never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member.”