Out of My Mind – By @gnomeegnome

The Dean bigadminjobs | October 29, 2017

Posted in Blog, Front, Keep

By Gnome

 

Out of My Mind

 

We’re all our own worst enemies and our own best allies. We all have thoughts and feelings.

I really struggle with mine and at times it’s painful. I have these demons in my head that tell me I’m not capable, that I’m not worthy.

I create problems in my head from something small, I give it arms and legs and create a monster.

I see the worst but I’m determined to start seeing the best.

Because change is possible.

I was an addict two months ago. Yeah, I’ve come a long way but I don’t deny that I still have a long way to go.

What I do know, is the hardest is yet to come.
Have you ever sat alone and watched the tide come in?

There’s that subtle change that you don’t notice. Behind the calm exterior, there is something far more powerful. This is the best way I can explain my moods.

Let’s be honest, it requires hard work, you have to want change in order for it to happen. You can read books to help guide you through behaviours and emotions but those words mean nothing unless you use them to take positive action.

Something that I was told recently made me notice that positives do happen, people do make nice gestures, I just don’t hold on to them for more than a few seconds.

Why?
Because looking for negatives has become my norm.

The brain is a muscle and it needs to be worked out. It can learn habits, it can break them. The brain is sensitive and I haven’t been looking after mine.

It’s easier to remove something than to alter the way you naturally think or feel. You need to understand why you act in that way, work out patterns, triggers and everything in between. Others can try to help but only you can truly know what’s going on in your head.

I spend a lot of time reflecting on what I have done wrong, what I have not done and how I am making people feel. This has to change to what I am doing right, what I could be doing better and what I can do to help others in their times of struggle.

I focus to much on myself. I spend a lot of time on me, but life isn’t just about me. I need friends. I need family. If I don’t have them, then there is no point in me. Others bring out the best in me and isolating myself makes things worse.

My moods get mirrored by others so instead of it just affecting me, it begins to affect others. I don’t want to be associated with ‘misery’ any longer.
I need to spend less time inside my head and more time outside of it.
There is so much beauty in the world and I have missed enough.