“Oi, Dean!” – By @andrewburrell87

Amy Cranston | May 24, 2019

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By Andy Burrell

 

“Oi, Dean!”

 

“Oi, Dean! Eat that bean!” said Andy.

“But I don’t want to eat the bean,” said Dean. “Beans are slimy and slippy and ever so icky. And they give me bottom burps.”

“I don’t care,” said Andy. “Your name is Dean, so you must eat that bean.”

“Can’t I eat some candy?” asked Dean.

“Only Andys eat candy,” said Andy.

“What about some dill?” said Dean. “I wouldn’t mind some dill.”

“Phils eat dill,” said Andy.

“Perhaps I should eat a banana?” said Dean.

“Alanahs eat bananas,” said Andy.

“What about a papaya?” said Dean. “I never tire of papaya!”

“Mayas eat papayas,” said Andy. “It’s very simple really. Andys eat candy, Phils eat dill, Alanahs eat bananas, Mayas eat papayas and Deans eat beans.”

“What do Hazels eat?” asked Dean.

“Well,” said Andy, “that’s a tricky one. Hazels eat basil. But only American Hazels.”

“Ohhhhh,” said Dean. “What do Jakes eat?”

“Jakes eat cakes,” said Andy. “Hazels eat basil and Jakes eat cakes.”

“I wish I was called Jake,” said Dean.

“Well you’re not, are you?” said Andy. “You’re called Dean.”

“What do Charlies eat?” asked Dean.

“Charlies eat barley,” said Andy. “Charlies eat barley and Sams eat hams.”

“What do Murrays eat?” said Dean.

“Murrays eat curries!” said Andy. “Murrays eat curries, Nishes eat fishes and Teds eat bread.”

“What about Willys? What do Willys eat?” asked Dean.

“Willys eat chillis, silly,” said Andy. “Willys eat chillis and Walts eat salt.”

“What do Paolos eat?” said Dean.

“Don’t you know anything?” asked Andy. “Paolos eat sourdough. Paolos eat sourdough, Tonys eat baloney, Stans eat bran, Lisas eat pizzas and Bries. Well, Bries eats brie.”

“Well I never knew that,” said Dean.

“Well you do now,” said Andy.

“What do Jeans eat?” asked Dean.

“Ah. I was hoping you weren’t going to ask that,” said Andy. “Jeans eat Deans.”

“But my girlfriend’s called Jean,” said Dean.

“Uh oh,” said Andy. “Hard luck.”