My Bloody Awesome Advertising Bucket List
By Lee Allen
One day I will submit a SCAB that isn’t in list format but for now enjoy another number assisted masterpiece. Introducing… my adland bucket list.
- Get a job: I wanted this to be slightly more interactive than the average SCAB, so if you feel like crossing this part off for me (& Tomo), I promise we’re really great and we’ll start Monday.
- Win a Chip Shop award: Some miserable people have told me they’re a waste of time but I love the Chip Shop awards, I pride myself on my puns and punchlines and it’s fun to compete with the best. I submitted two entries last year which disappeared into the abyss so I’m happy to say I’m nominated for two this time around.
- Win the ‘shits creek’ category at the Chip Shop awards: For me, it’s the category that defines the Chip’s, so if it’s this year or in ten years time, I’ll win one – no matter how low I have to stoop.
- Win a D&AD Student pencil: this is a one-time only deal, and it’s too late to make any changes but fingers crossed. Even if it’s a little brown stump, as long as I’m able to attend the party then the three weeks of no sleep will be worth it.
- Win a D&AD Professional black pencil: Once you go black, you never go back… to a shitty salary.
- Win a Cannes Lion: For the purposes of increasing my income, and having the chance to perform a rendition of Trinidad James’ ‘All Gold Everything’ with my lion in one hand and a bottle of champagne in the other.
- Go to Cannes: Any excuse to get drunk and talk about branded content.
- Travel the world with work: On every brief at SCA, I put forward at least one idea involving hip hop or grime. When I’m in agency, I’ll put forward at least one idea for each brief which is set on a beach in Australia.
- Work at Lucky Generals: Writing comedy is the dream and whether it’s the Pot Noodle ring boy, the recent Yorkshire Tea spots or pretty much anything they’ve done for Paddy Power, Lucky’s make the funniest ads hands down. If you’re reading this and you’re from another agency, your ads are really funny too.
- Work at Google: We discussed this on placement and decided that ‘creative at Google’ is possibly the coolest job title in the world, after maybe Chelsea captain, three Michelin star chef, and Spiderman.
- Work at Weiden’s: The thought of paying £14 for cod & chips at Poppie’s every lunch time and suffering through the Waterloo & City line at the height of summer doesn’t fill me with joy, but Weiden’s is one of the coolest agencies in the world and I’d absolutely love to work there at some point – I hear they have a basketball court in one of their offices and I shoot a mean three-pointer by English-and-has-no-idea-how-to-dribble-or-what-the-rules-are standards.
- Become a Creative Director: Yeah, would be fun. 13. Make a Paddy Power ad: Paddy Power seem to give their agencies more freedom than most and as a sports loving, wannabe comedian from a family of heavy gamblers, Paddy Power sounds like my perfect brief.
- Work in New York: New York, concrete jungle where dreams are made of, there’s nothing you can’t do. Apart from taking holiday apparently, but if I’m living in Brooklyn then I’m already on holiday. Think about it.
- Work in Portland: I have no idea why everyone is moving to Portland but the air seems significantly cleaner there, Weiden’s is there and I could get used to watching Damian Lillard and the Trailblazers in the flesh, playing slightly above-league-average basketball.
- Make a Nike football ad: I’d imagine every football fan in adland wants this brief and ‘The Cage’ might be my favourite ad of all time.
- Work with Chelsea FC: Whether it’s scripting Lamps or JT into an ad, working on the kit launch or even art directing the posters in the club shop window – it’s the closest I’ll ever get to signing for Chelsea.
- Do an ad with Sacha Baron Cohen: Sacha Baron Cohen is my hero and any chance I get to lure him into an ad will be taken, even if it relies on an allergy/ Ali G pun to make Prevalin the most famous allergy relief brand in the world.
- Make a Super Bowl ad: I’m a huge NFL fan and while I’ve abandoned my dreams of loading up on steroids and making the Patriots practice squad, if I don’t play at a Super Bowl, at least my ads might.
- Work on election advertising: I love/ hate politics and would love to see the inner workings of a political campaign. I’d pretty much make work for anyone bar the Tories, or in the states, any Republican with a realistic chance of winning.
- Make an ad I can talk about in the pub: Like Pete, I’m a simple man at heart who just wants to go to the pub, watch football and over-utilise the c-word.
- Make an ad that gets banned: Every single human being I have met in the past six months ensures me that clients are shit, so this may be a long shot but I want to create an ad that causes more commotion and attracts more complaints than the recent Pepsi commercial, only with that being the intention rather than me having a complete mare.
- Have a Chip-Shop style sketch show commissioned: My number one dream in life right now is to have a sketch-show commissioned and once I get fired for my Pepsi-sized fuck up, I’m gonna turn my long list of ad ideas that could never ever run and package them into a sketch show format, so people can actually enjoy the ads for once