By HUSH – THe SCA Intake of 2018/19
Judging by the complexity of organising a group SCAB, It’s a miracle that half of us are able to get dressed by ourselves in the morning. Taking waking up and getting dressed as a given, share your morning routine. Count yourself lucky: This was the result of a 9pm group vote, narrowingly beating “Forrest’s best quote”.
Ruby: I’m pretty functional from the get-go. Phone, ipad, bike lights charged, select today’s vape flavour. Banana, fresh pants, socks and shirt packed. Stretch wife – we’re aiming for +1inch by the summer. Contemplate gratitude while i cycle.
Charles: My alarm goes off at about 6.30, I hit the snooze about 5 times. 6.45 I’ll wake up and check Instagram stories for ages and contemplate whether it’s worth getting up. After long internal debate, I get up get dressed and get the train in for another day of banter, drinking other people’s milk and borrowing rollies.
Did you open my unopened milk charles?
Jacob: Morning poo, have a shower with a happy ending, see which clothes don’t have stains on, have a fag, get a mcdonald’s coffee, maybe a bagel from there too if i’m feeling fruity which i always am, maybe another fag and another poo, appreciate the day ahead. Today i heard forrest sing i’m blue 5 times and that is his best quote.
Lauren: I start my morning with Dido – Thank you. 6am its cold. 10 minutes later i wonder why I got out at bed at all. It’s dark outside my window. I can’t see at all. And even if I could it’d all be grey. I get out the gratitude journal out today and it reminds me it’s not so bad. It’s not so bad. I stayed up too much last night, I’m tired, my head just feels in pain. I get the train and there’ll be hell today, I’m standing up again. And then i arrive and it’s not so bad, it’s not so bad.
Dan: I shove a piece of lego up my anus during the night. But in the morning, I believe in taking care of myself with a balanced diet and rigorous exercise routine. In the morning if my face is a little puffy I’ll put on an ice pack while doing stomach crunches. I can do 1000 now. After I remove the ice pack I use a deep pore cleanser lotion. In the shower I use a water activated gel cleanser, then a honey almond body scrub, and on the face an exfoliating gel scrub. Then I apply an herb-mint facial mask which I leave on for 10 minutes while I prepare the rest of my routine. I always use an after shave lotion with little or no alcohol, because alcohol dries your face out and makes you look older. Then moisturizer, then an anti-aging eye balm followed by a final moisturizing protective lotion.
Forrest: Yeah? Yeah? You’re lucky. I wake up every morning at 11:45 pm, half an hour before I’ve gone to bed. I go down the road in the freezing cold and put in a 27 hour shift at the mill for less than 2 pound fifty an hour. By the time I’ve finished that, the next day, I spend it all on bread for the family and when I get home my Dad’s just about ready to carve me open with the bread knife. My Mum shoves a lump of coal down my throat and dumps the rubbish over my head while my sister pours me a cup of cold tea with no milk, sugar, or water. Then, once I’ve put breakfast on the table, my brother chases me out of the kitchen lashing me with his belt. After they’re finished with their brekky, I have to lick the floor clean just to get a meal in which is usually a mixture of last week’s breadcrumbs and dead ants. But that’s not to the liking of the gaffer, who takes full advantage of my bent back to give me a good old fashioned whopping and sends me straight back to the mill so I can earn myself a hot supper. All that before I even get in and show my idea to the mentors. Unbelievable.
Maddy: Immediate sense of despair for having woken up at all. Mask self-loathing with coffee, a paracetamol, cigarettes and a smile.
Alex B: 6:30 am alarm. Snooze. Drink coffee. All Bran for breakfast. Write in gratitude journal. Scroll instagram. Shower. All Bran kicks in. Check my stomach to see if it looks any flatter from having All Bran. Change three times. Settle for the usual t shirt and jeans. Put hair into frizzy bun and slap on makeup.
Alysha: Open my eyes. Feel shit. Check my phone. Feel shit. Scroll through the comforting nonsense of the group chat. Feel shit. Wish I was going to school instead of being stuck at home, trapped in the dysfunctional vessel of my body and my mind. Feel shit. Get sad. Feel shit. Escape sadness by going back to sleep. Enjoy momentary respite from feeling shit. Feel shit. Rinse. Feel shit. Repeat.
Vic: I’ve been trying to replicate my routine exactly every day, down to the second. This way my brain doesn’t bother storing the memory for future reference. I like to think that this way I’ll never truly remember anything before 9.30 a.m., meaning early mornings don’t really exist for me.
Holly: After getting over the painful realisation that it is in fact another day, I get myself out of bed, get ready and leave the house with as little social interaction as humanly possible. I actually wake up 30 mins later when I have to change lines at Finchley Road.
Sophie: Why wake up when you’re already woke?
Dean: Everyday is different. Disco in the shower is mandatory. I’m standing under that industrial waterfall for at least 20 minutes. It’s essential for mindfulness. Then Frosties for breakfast. That’s a given. And with cow milk… Term 2, it has been Kellogg’s Crunchy because I’m Nuts. Then I usually walk or get the bus. It’s been sunny and freezing. Just how I like it. A wintry breeze plays upon my cheeks. My hands are a tickling numb. It’s a whimsical day so I’ll be walking. A black coffee shot of love is what my head needs. A rush seeps in. A whirlpool of thought. Tunnel vision. It’s time to start the day. Uurrrgh!
Tarun: Wake up. Notice I’m in the middle of a masterclass. Nod along nonchalantly. When it’s over, make some coffee and icing sugar.
Josie: I leap out of bed, straight into chaturanga! I take four lion breaths and recite my morning prayer while kissing a gentle goodbye to my three lovers. I pick a bouquet of flowers from my garden before steaming my vagina and drinking five litres of boiling water with lemon. Straight from the kettle, babyyyy! I watch a TED talk and then before I know it, it’s 5am! Then I read all the Harry Potter books
Saphire: Put my butter knife in the toaster.
Phil: Four weetabix or two weetabix and scrambled eggs but never four weetabix and scrambled eggs together although sometimes on weekends I lie in bed a while to entice hunger to amble out from the mouth of its cave (hunger, as a personification, would necessarily have no mouth, for then it would be able to sate itself and would lose the singular nature of its existence. A satisfied hunger is no symbolism at all) so I can have four weetabix and scrambled eggs together.
Fraser: I have a bowl of nails for breakfast every morning. Without any milk.
Antonio: I wake up at 6:30, 10 minute before the alarm. Usually I need 3 seconds to realize I’m not in Rome, I’m in London and in the new flat. Then I open the blinds, and I see the view of the city and I say good morning to London. I turn the kettle on and prepare the tea. I usually wait 10 minutes before having it. During this time I write the 6 minutes diary. I write to Aleksandra, Joe F, Forrest, Marta and Dean to remind to write their diary as well. I have my tea with 2 slices of bread with strawberry jam. Then eat a kiwi and after that I have a blow of kefir with a banana, blueberries and bran flakes. If I feel a bit sick I take 3 echinacea tablets and 1 vitamin C tablet. I have a shower. I dress up, I do extra things like laundry/ washing machine or emails. I spend than 30 minutes trying to write SMPs. At 8.14 I get out of my flat. At 8.15 I’m at school.
Karolina: I gave up guessing which window I should avoid in the morning naked to not facing any workers doing the scaffolding. They are everywhere. Maybe we should ask them about my morning routine. I wonder how healthy my stool is based on the time I spend on it, what I’m singing in the shower, or my bra and panties are matching usually?
Alex T: I wake up just to stare at the woman I told last night I loved. And her smile breaks the dawn as remember it’s true. God, the way sunshine caresses her shoulders. She’s lighter than air, this morning. She floats just atoms above my sheets. I long to touch her. The full curve of her breasts. The wave of her hips. All of a sudden I feel so delicate. So selfish at the thought she’s all mine. I can’t help but melt as the corners of her lips crease. The way her nose wrinkles as she awakes. Hands move together as her gentle kiss lands. Hot breath a waterfall running down my spine. She’s mine, I think. I know, says she. And I whisper her name* into her ear.
*This name varies month-to-month depending on who I’m railing.
Mary: Alarm. Hit snooze and jump back into dream to finish it off. Finish dream, become conscious and start to question why I am here. Hand over any other issues and questions to tiny worry doll. Place tiny worry doll in tiny deckchair, whisper good luck and head to school.
Coco: Snooze Snooze Snooze Grunt Snooze Snooze Snooze Think about putting makeup on. Realise it’s only for you fuckers. Snooze. Make a cup of tea, realise I don’t have time to drink it. Leave it next to my pile of other undrunken teas next to bed. Every time. Pray I don’t need to dance.
Zoe: you guys have morning routines? I don’t know what’s going on until coffee number 4 and that’s usually a good hour into school.
7:00. First alarm.
7:15. Second alarm.
7:30. 3rd alarm.
7:45. 4th alarm. Finally considering waking up.
7:45 to 7:46. Introducing, the bonus minute. The minute I need to find somewhere in the depth of my mind the bravery to actually really waking up. I literally count in my head from 0 to 60 and then wake up. Yeah, I know, it’s weird, but we’re all weirdos in this school so I feel safe to tell you. Then 10 min makeup, 10 to fix my hair, 5 to find my outfit, 5 to change my mind for an other one. Leaving the door at 8:17 to have the 8:23 bus, to be at school for 8:30.
Leli: I wake up clad in full Bavarian attire since I cannot wear this in Brixton during the day. I then open my windows wide and yodel the morning song of my people. After a quick shot of Jagermeister, I’m off to challenge my housemates to the Bratwurst eating competition I hold each day. They’re not always willing participants and this is frustrating for me so I’ll often have to awaken them by gently caressing their face with raw sausage meat. The loser must drink a pint of sauerkraut brine. The loser is never me but I drink it anyway just to show them all that I can. I always win. All I do is win.
Marta: 8.00 am. I hear my crazy flatmate is shouting again. There’s a van outside the house. He can smell rats. The men from the van are in my house. They come to kill rats. My flatmate says he can smell them. He’s very crazy. There are many people talking. It’s 8.10am. Fuck off. And this happens twice per week.
Joe Rib: Shit. Shower. Shave. Shreddies. Shag. Shake my booty. Shleep on bus.
Don’t say you don’t get value for money with the SCA SCABs. You’ll be able to hire us for ideas in the coming months.