By Joe Fraser
I Write to you because you seem to have ignored all of my Advances. No matter how much I waggin my tail, boop your nose or bring you my salivary toys to you, you keep going away from home. This is your home. This is where you Belong. It’s not as fun curling up on your bed without you pushing me off it. Sure, Mum Super shouts at me to get off but she gets annoyed at me for anything. I pick up her shoes the other day and she got angry. Why? They smell like her.
Remember when you had to Watch after me over Christmas? Mum and Dad were away and Brother was off doing things with his friends (who have dogs – I know – I could smell them on him). That was the good times. We did walks around the lake and you’d run after me to stop me from picking up little Ducklings. Though I’m pretty sure you wanted me to retrieve them for you. That’s what you want right? Bloody Ducklings? Retrieved for you? Those were the good days. Why do you want that to be in the past? Why can’t that be the now as well?
Mum told me you’re off doing Important things. You’re off making Stuff which I don’t really get because Things are already made and we’ve got enough of them so I’m not sure why we need more. You said your creative Things can change the World. But I don’t think the World needs changing. I’ve got all things I need. Unless you’re going to make more meals in the day other than Breakfast and Dinner. Maybe one in the middle? Or just never stop eating except for sleep. There’s an idea for your stupid creative school.
I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that. It is just difficult for me because all I want to do is eat see you and hang out. I can be creative too. I saw your notes. A lot of them say keep it Simple. I can do that! You guys call me Simple all the time! I’m not sure what it means but I bet I can do it.
I also noticed what you wrote about problem solving. Hello? I do that all the time. Whenever there’s a problem I try and figure it out too. Like that time the gate was closed and I couldn’t get into the garden. I climbed onto the fence and through the gap in the gate. Boom. Creativity. And remember that time I puked on the boring grey tiles in the kitchen? Well I done vomited a nicer grey onto them so, yeah, another boom. Creativity.
Your so called “Behavioral Modernity” may have given you abstract thought so you humans could communicate in large groups and organise yourselves better. But there’s one thing we dog community beat you at. It’s cognition. Our senses to beat a situation are way better than yours. Smell, touch, taste – you’ve got nothing on us.
I got Mum to Write that last bit. I think I’m her favourite now. I know you got to go but I still miss you. I know what you do is good and that I am a good girl. You say it a lot when you are here. And I’m not sad because dogs are
uncondishunal unconditional with love. Which is annoying but I can’t stop my nature.
So I am annoyed that you are gone but I know it is for a good thing.
It will be great when you get back.
P.s. I put a picture of me on this so you will never forget my beautiful smile.