Just nod and smile. By @saphire_rose

Marc lewis | September 25, 2018

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By Saphire Favell

 

Just nod and smile.

 

I haven’t left my bed since Thursday night, it’s pouring with rain outside, I still don’t feel particularly well and I’m suffering from cabin fever.

 

Elp!

 

Oh and not just that… the talent in the classroom is making me throw a little bit of a silent wobbly. (insert relevant meme here)

 

I keep wondering to myself if I am actually good enough to have even warranted a place in this school.. especially when I’ve had the chance to sneak peek into the minds of the rest of the mob through our group tasks and reflection slides etc… and quite honestly, whilst being in awe, I’m also very worried.

 

Worried because whilst I feel like I’m finally in my element and in an amazingly stimulating environment I do feel paranoid that everything I am regurgitate is currently pretty shit. It’s embarrassing. I feel exposed. I feel like a teenager again but without the weird Victorian boobs and braces.  I also don’t know which pathway I am meant to choose. I like writing poetry but I don’t particularly like writing (especially not SCABS!) and I like the idea of art direction but I don’t even really know what it is. Awkward. Guessing this will become clearer with time? Hopefully before I run out of time.

 

I also don’t feel like I’m grasping the concept of simplicity.  Everything I think of seems too complicated and doesn’t quite convey the brief or idea. I mean… the last thing I made consisted of a magnified image of an elephant penis with type saying ‘Eat me’. What. Am. I Doing. I know we’re only two weeks in and I need to relax and keep playing. But still.. time flies when you’re having fun and I don’t want to suddenly blink and It’s portfolio day and all I have to show for the year is a badly painted (and probably smashed) mug and a piece of poetry about being a splinter. And an elephant dick.

 

And what I don’t find a partner?! I can’t be a lone creative. I’m needy. I need a partner in crime, the mayo to my ketchup, the squirrel to my nut. I need a goddamn pal. I need to be stroked. Humans can’t live without strokes. ß I learnt that today.

 

I’m even more annoyed that I didn’t take note of the echinacea memo – sorry Marc. Even though Friday was out of my hands I still feel guilty on my group for not being there and helping them sell that measly patch of Nairobi. No juicy mangos for me.

 

My favourite day so far has been the poetry workshop with Deanna – that was my jam. Oh.. and maybe the life drawing class with Ian too.. that was fun. Even though after looking at the outcome of my portrait I think I probably need sectioning.

 

Ah. I can hear the sweet sound of Ben the Buddhist/hunk telling me to chill my monkey. So that’s what I shall do. With this glass of wine.

 

Ta ra for now.