By Joe Colquhoun
I’m not listening
I want to write something funny, but I don’t really feel like it. Apparently humour is the best cure for all this. It’s not a cure, it’s a distraction.
Part of me wants to share everything but at the same time who really cares? I know people are there for you and I would be too if you were in the same position but how well do we know each other?
I mean we spend our lives with one another and it’s great, it really is, but at the same time you can’t help but feel lonely. I don’t want to diminish anyone here, not at all. Thank you for giving a shit. It really means a lot.
And honestly, I’m not so special and neither is my situation. There are plenty of us who are going through this and from the bottom of my heart, I hope you’re okay. If you hadn’t told me, I never would have guessed.
But that feeling, it’s always there and I can’t shake it. It’s this creeping sensation in the back of your neck that slowly invades your mind. You’re never wholly in the room, your body is there and you want the rest of you to be there too, but it never is, not fully anyway.
People are talking and I’m nodding my head but I’m not hearing the words, not the first time anyway, it’s like watching the ad breaks on mute. I keep asking people to repeat themselves, as if I’m so intrigued by their idea that I just need to hear it again. Unfortunately that’s not the case, I just wasn’t listening.
And before anyone thinks, fuck he’s actually lost it, I haven’t and this isn’t a cry for help. I’ll be fine, there’s just a lot to figure out at the moment. You kinda wish you could time so it wasn’t so complicated but life isn’t like that. It’s always going to suck, no matter what.
“You just have to give it time” It’s true.