By Tom Flynn
I will not cross the picket.
I am in no mood to do this scab. Like I absolutely categorically am morally opposed to the writing of this scab. It’s not the scabs fault, I’m just in a bad mood. But we can’t miss scabs. It’s illegal. Daddy will punish us. In fact he, he has threatened to decimate the legion if one of us misses one again, he’s already taken away our end of year party moola…Wait,hold on? He’s already taken away our end of year booze budget! Mwhahaha. Lewis! You poor innocent fool! You have broken the stick you were using to beat us. You have no power anymore!
How can you possibly punish us now? Let me count the ways;
- Give us punishment scabs? Why would we do those? We didn’t do the initial scab and all you can think is to give us more??? Hahah fool. I fear no scabs.
- He doesn’t allow us to go to very important masterclasses. A blow indeed and surely detrimental to our growth as creatives. However the loss of knowledge translates to more book time, which in turn equates to greater chance of a job. So in reality, a blessing in disguise. Hooray!
- He doesn’t let us enter cream. Very bad, awful in fact. Cream is an unequivocal marker of excellence, without it what would we be? Happily he cannot actually stop us entering independently. Excellent.
- We won’t be allowed a place at portfolio day. That would just be mean. We paid a lot of money for essentially that one day. He has threatened us before with said faith for breaking rules, but luckily we’ve all been going on bookcrits and have developed incredible relationships with agencies we’re fond of. We don’t need a portfolio day. The state of the rest of our lives don’t hinge upon a single day. Thank the faiths. If any agency questions our absence, Marc is a well know vindictive eccentric and our story of his tyranny will elicit sympathy.
- He’ll kick us out of school? The most terrifying faith of all. But as lonely and terrible as that experience might be, we all know how to do ads now. Grand master Lewis can never take his greatest gift to us back, and so we would survive alone in the wild.
And so we see, Marc Lewis can not hurt us anymore. We are free. No longer will we cower in the shadow of his cruelty. His tyranny has pushed us past the point of breaking and now we are unbreakable. And so I refuse to write this scab.