By James Morgan
It’s weird, because when I went home yesterday it was well and truly stashed in my back pocket and
I can even remember putting it there myself.
I popped it in a little manila envelope around 4.30, sealed it shut with a timbre-poste and headed off
to run around in the rain and kick footballs into Elin’s face.
So this morning I felt pretty damn good about myself as I swaggered into the studio, patting my arse
and smiling over the super awesome mega cool plot I was carrying around. I grabbed a cheeky bagel
and cup of mud before sashaying over to my partenaire so we could get on with the day. I took out
the plot, popped it on the desk and started chatting about ukuleles, girls’ bums and TED talks.
However, this is when the strangest thing started to happen. Every time I looked away, my little plot
kept edging further and further towards the edge of the table, like it was trying to do a runner to
greener minds. Obviously, I was prepared for this: plots can be mischievous little things, and rarely
do as they’re told, but normally after a couple hours of positive reinforcement they decide to settle
down and have a nap underneath the pile of papers from the day before.
But today, it just wouldn’t let off. First I had to run across the studio to stop it from jumping out the
window. Later on, on my way back from the toilet I found it trying to nit off down the stairs, maybe
to hang out with Mathew out front. The third and fourth times it was trying to climb into the
microwave, which was very upsetting as surely hanging out with me is better than a radioactive
Eventually however, it was gone. I searched all over the place. I looked under the insecurities people
have been shrugging off since day one that now sit in a rather cold mound towards the back wall. I
ran upstairs to ask Chantelle’s ghost if she’d seen it, but alas she had not. Nor was it hiding behind all
those other clichés I keep in a box by the coat hangers: it was just nowhere to be seen.
So if anyone does see it jumping around, or has a spare one that they can lend me until it comes
back, I would thoroughly appreciate it.