By Karolina Kezdi
How to sleep in the gym for dummies
Yaaaaayyyy, we don’t have electricity at home! My first thought was my sprouts will rot in the fridge, my second thought was that my 40p discounted Christmas turkeys will also rot and slightly behind this first world problem I realised I have to write a SCAB tonight.
I must do this because I am not a male peacock. Male peacocks love to show off by showing how big their feathers are. How big their feathers are, which makes it harder to escape from predators, and yet still alive shows how strong they are. That’s what attracts the females. The fact that they can survive with even more stress and hardship than their fellow smaller feather friends. Basically the same behaviour format as the guys in the gym who conspicuously carry the heaviest weights so if he spots a potential girl, he can show off.
My gym is open 0-24, has free wifi, lots of plugs, comfy benches , 100+ tv channel, shower, extra storage place, cleaning and free parking included. For 24 £ per month technically this is the cheapest rent in London. That’s a pretty good insight, isn’t it? I always wanted to test my theory.
My phone’s battery has died about an hour ago and my laptop won’t last too long either. I need a hot desk right now, so let’s go to the gym!
Here I am! Karolina Kezdi has arrived with two self-blowing single mattresses. The changing room is empty. On the floor only one man is doing some exercise, they don’t carry the heaviest weight around me. Anyway, I’m here for work not a work out so that’s fine. I set up the office. Writing the SCAB as you can see. Still empty.
I make my bed and watch a live stream baking stream on Twitch. I think it’s funny, but don’t count on it, I have a really shit sense of humor.
Okay, the guy is still out there and still not carrying the weight around me. I guess I will sleep alone then.
The cleaning lady dropped the lid off the rubbish bin, so I’m up.
She ignores me. She’s mopping around me. Is it bad luck?! I love the smell of the bleach, it always reminds me of hotels. Like I said the cheapest room in London.
I can’t get back to sleep.
Someone is coming! She doesn’t seem surprised, that the first thing she sees on Wednesday morning is a girl smiling at her from under a pink fluffy unicorn blanket.
No one else does.
All in all, I would say it was easy-peasy – mission completed, theory is bullet-proof, SCAB is done, I am heading home to have a shower.