By Victoria D’Andrea
HOW NOT TO GET A TATTOO
There are a lot of things people will tell you when you first get a tattoo.
Generally, there are the warnings. Don’t get anything too colourful, it will fade in time. Start small. Be 100% sure of what you get. You will have to keep it on your body forever you know.
Such useful advice. It’s not as if it’s the whole point of getting a tattoo, is it?!
Other things will generally around research. You need to research the place you are going, read the reviews and get recommendations from friends. Don’t forget, of course, to do the exact same thing regarding the tattoo artist.
Now for another piece of advice that may not shock you, but would have been incredibly useful when I decided to go under the needle for the first time.
In a hurry. The answer is never get a tattoo if you are in a hurry.
Pretty simple, right?
Apparently not. Because of course, that’s what I did.
It also helps if you don’t dye your hair pink, finish your dissertation, print it and then submit it all in the same day.
Mind-blowing stuff guys. And it doesn’t even make for a good story.
Nope, it’s pretty boring actually. But still, here we are.
The short story is, I decided to get a tattoo on the morning I had to give in my dissertation. Of course, I had stayed up most of the editing it. I actually rewrote the ending just a few hours before I left the house.
I had also planned to colour my hair pink, for some reason. I can’t even remember why I had to do it before giving it. Something stupid probably.
So I got to the tattoo parlour with a new hair colour, my dissertation fresh out of the printers.
(I actually just remembered why I wanted pink hair. I wrote my dissertation on the role of pink in influencing female’s purchasing decisions.)
Now, having never got inked before, I wasn’t really clear on the proceedings. I only knew I had one hour, not much more, before I had to get to the other side of town to hand in these 90 something pages.
So, first thing’s first. It’s very hard to point where exactly you want your work done on your own back. Which is why I’m not surprised the lady ended up applying the stencil quite a lot higher than I had originally envisioned.
It’s not a big deal after all. It doesn’t take long to wash it off and reapply it.
But it was time that at that particular moment I thought I didn’t have.
So instead of getting her to correct it, I quickly just nodded and went my merry way.
An hour of awkward conversation after (that lady must have the same conversations over and over with her clients) I left just in time, but with a feeling of future regrets.
Spoiler alert: I’m not that bothered in the end. It’s a good excuse to add a spinal tattoo to my back to add a bit of balance.
Actually, I do have some more advice. If you get a tattoo on your back, remember to consider where your bra strap is.
The copy scores 79.9 in the Flesch Reading Ease test