I’m not the most vocal person in this year’s SCA intake named John, and by no means do I ever intend to be. Hence why in a group discussion, reflecting upon the attitude of our cohort, gratitude
and overall behaviour I didn’t speak up and voice an opinion. It’s something I need to get over and for some reason, at SCA I just can’t seem to do. I’m not a shy person, I’m really not, so I don’t know why I sink into every single chair I sit on in group

discussions as if the legs were slowly melting away beneath me. Or it could be due to the intense 40-degree heat churning out of that chuffing aircon.

In Tuesday’s discussion, to be honest, I didn’t have much to add. I don’t feel that there’s a problem with people having an ego because quite honestly I would like to have a bigger one myself. I don’t
feel that people being praised pushes me down as that’s talking to them, not me. In terms of ‘games’, yeah, of course, I’m aware of it,
but quite honestly, I just choose not to play, or I play my one player game. And in terms of people doing great work, good for them! But I want to be awarded a pencil or something bigger, not just a chip. So collecting them along the way to my goal isn’t really an incentive to me.

This got me thinking. Have I taken my self out of the SCA bubble so much that I’m not affected by things which quite upsettingly, upset
other people? Am I quite heartless? Too wrapped up in my own world to acknowledge what’s going on around me, or have I like many other scenarios in my life put up a wall which detracts any kind of

emotion that comes close to me. This makes me sound like a heartless human being, and really, I am anything but. But I feel like that sometimes here, like a robot trying to churn out unexpected ideas, slugging away at a desk. Advertising is fun, advertising is

everywhere, advertising can make strangers do stuff without me having to physically speak to them.

So let’s make it that (I talk indirectly to my self here if that’s such a thing). So, walking out that room on Tuesday, that’s what I decided to do. I like term two. I finally get what Marc means by growing pains. It’s going to be painful growing and by now I’m probably unproportional with one tiny arm, a leg the size of a hand and a body so short it could be a football. But what is the fun in staying that size? I know what I need to do to grow and for that, I have written a massive list which I’m not going to share for this scab as I think I’ve shared quite enough.

This isn’t my open diary.