By HUSH – The SCA Intake of 2018/19

 

Humour – the one thing that’s definitely getting us through the tough times. Here are some of our favourite jokes.

 

Mary:

Man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm. His wife is lying in bed reading. Man says, “This is the pig I have sex with when you’ve got a headache.” Wife replies, “I think you’ll find that is a sheep.” Man replies, “I think you’ll find I was talking to the sheep.”

 

Charles:

“What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn’t help me at all.”

 

Lucy P:

What’s Rihanna’s favourite cheese? Mozar-ella-ella-ellla.

 What’s Forrest Clancy’s laptop password? 1forrest1

 

Vic:  Here are two:

• No matter how kind you are, German kids are kinder.

• A man walked into a zoo. The only animal in the entire zoo is a dog. It’s a shitzu.

 

Joe R: What do we want? Aeroplane Noises! Went do we want them? Neow!

 

Tedj: How to become rich? Buy a french person for what they’re worth, and sell him/her for what they think they’re worth.

 

Karolina:

The bear writes a death list. News of his death list spread across the forest like wildfire. Some of the animals who hear about it decide to go ask the bear about the list, thinking, that living in uncertainty is worse than knowing for certain that a bear is going to eat you. So, the fox goes to the bear and asks him about the list.

‘Hey bear, is it true that you have a death list?’ asks the fox.

`Yeah.’ says the bear.

`Well… is my name on it?’

`I dunno, lemme check…’ says the bear, and then he pulls out the death list. When the bear finds the fox’s name on the list, he says to the fox:

`Yeah, you’re on the list.’

And then the bear eats the fox.

A few days pass and the wolf comes by and asks the bear about the list.

`Hey bear, is it true that you wrote a death list?’ asks the wolf.

`Yeah.’ says the bear.

`Okay… is my name on it?’

`I dunno, lemme check… Yeah, ‘fraid so…’

And then the bear eats the wolf as well.

A couple of days pass and the rabbit comes by and asks the bear about the death list.

`Hey bear, is it true that you have a death list?’ asks the rabbit.

`Yeah.’ says the bear.

`Tell me… is my name on it?’

`I dunno, lemme check… Yeah, ‘fraid so, you’re on the list’

And then the rabbit says:

`Hey bear… Couldn’t you… like… erase my name or something?’

And then the bear says:

`Sure, why not?’

 

ZOE:

What do you get when you pour boiling water down a rabbit hole?

Hot cross bunnies.

 

Coco:

What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror?

Halloumi

 

Maddy:

Here’s one I wrote myself.

 

Two melons are in love. Star crossed lovers from different backgrounds, they want to leave their small town together but one melon has conservative parents who would disown her if she did.

 

The other is begging for her to run away with him.

 

Finally she turns to him and says, “Honeydew, you don’t understand!

I cantaloupe”

 

Dean:

Why do Jewish men get circumcised? (More of a comment, really)

Because Jewish women won’t touch anything that’s not 20% off

 

Alex T:

https://youtu.be/HsgSTNcPA5c?t=529

 

Ruby:

What’s the difference between a good joke and a bad joke timing.

 

Fraser:

Guy goes into a library and up to the librarian

“Fish and chips please!” He says.

“Um – sir – this is a library.”

“Oh sorry… fish and chips please.”

Andy:

Knock knock

Who’s there?

Little old lady who

Little old lady who who

I didn’t know you could yodel!

 

Marta: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qv1pvRDFFqs

 

Josie: My life !

 

Saphire: Out of office