By Frazer Price
I listened to the entirety of One Directon album ‘Four’ on a Walkman standing outside a Holland & Barrett in Dudley.
What follows is a rough track by track account of the event. I decided to edit my raw writings due to some of it being nonsensical, I guess you just had to be there.
It’s been a while since I used one of these silver disk spinners. I’d just like to point out before I begin that I physically bought the album and it will be looking for a new home once I’m done here.
Track one. I can’t pick out whos voice is who. Where’s Harry?
Apparently everyone wants to steal their girls. As so the lyrics go. I hope no one can hear this through my headphones.
I’m back sorry, just took them off for a second to check. I’m safe.
Track two has already started. This next masterpiece is entitled ‘Ready to Run’. Far softer tones than the previous tune. I’m starting to realise the consequences of my actions. How long is this album? Scratch the soft tones – its ‘dropped’. There’s a group of lads outside Argos opposite that are staring at me. Maybe it’s the red turtleneck I’m wearing.
Track three. ‘Where Do Broken Hearts Go?’. Lots of words that begin with the letter ‘T’ in the opening of this song. Perhaps a conscious lyrical decision? I’ve just come round to find that I was tapping my toes to the beat. Keep it together limbs, we don’t like this music remember.
Track four. The album is called four. I’m expecting big things Harry. Take it away. Ah no way this track is 4 minutes long. Deep.
Bit of an acoustic number. Just noticed I was smiling to myself, my friends outside Argos noticed too.
The song is called ‘18’ and 1D are singing about ‘old times’ when they were 18 – that was like last year for most of them. ‘#throwbackthursday to when I was 18’. Damn, I just wrote 1D – I promised myself I wouldn’t do that.
Track five. ‘Girl Almighty’. This is genuinely my favorite song so far. An elderly gentleman is standing next to me eating nuts which is adding to the ambience of the whole thing. I think they’re cashews. This song is really uplifting.
Track six. Well the last song left me on a real high. I’m getting a bit tired of standing up now and I think the H&B employees are starting to get suspicious of me. Maybe I should buy some green tea.
Track seven. Keyboard and chords. ‘Night Changes’. Got a bit of a country vibe this one. Pretty sure that girl on the other side of the bench winked at me. I’m obviously channeling my inner Harry Styles.
Track eight. Not enjoying this one at all. My friends across the way have lost interest in me. Perhaps because I’m not bobbing my head along to this one. Probably the poppiest pop song on the album, wait, am I meant to be reviewing this album? It is the most Pop-like though for the record.
Track nine. ‘Fireproof’. This is uber bland. I’ve started looking around and spotted a man littering. He played a good act but that was definitely intentional. Not quite the right soundtrack to accompany petty crime but it will have to do.
Track ten. Nearing the end. ‘Spaces’. I dosed off a little during this song, this has gone on long enough now.
Track eleven. ‘Stockholm Syndrome’. Considerably worse than anything that has gone before. I tried antagonizing my buddies on the bench opposite for something to do but to no avail.