By Alysha Radia
I can’t really complain to be honest. A week in Malta, a week in Barcelona, two weeks in Greece and two weeks in Canada. And a weekend in Lisbon to come. Really not something to sniff at.
But whilst this past summer of revelry and, to be honest, utter spoilage, has left me exhausted in the best possible way, and satisfied that I have made the most of what I have been billing as my ‘last ever summer’ as a means of justification for this truly excessive itinerary, I have found myself in a position that I very often find myself in, and normally without the excuse of trips booked far in advance – a ‘to-do’ list that seems insurmountable, and with very little time to complete it in.
It’s good to be home?
Reading all the other SCABs has made me very excited to meet all the people that will be my friends and my creative collaborators for the year to come, but also kind of terrified because everybody seems to massively have their shit together, and my shit at the present is most definitely in need of some dietary fibre.
My travels have also meant that I missed the end of term party, so not only do I imagine that all my peers are growing in leaps and bounds as creatives, and growing more and more impassioned about their extremely accomplished passion project but my fomo anxiety has me thinking, admittedly ridiculous, things like, “What if everyone has already found their creative soul mate?”, ‘What if perfect friendships have already been fostered and the addition of one more would throw everything out of whack and everyone will hate me?”.
Right now I am telling myself that even if I end up friendless and despised, it was worth it (?), thinking about the cups of sangria sipped, all the pitiful attempts at speaking the local languages (including learning some hilarious Toronto slang – ‘Ay! Stop sussing my vibe!’), and the numerous flea bites accumulated through my misguided insistence on snuggling every stray Greek cat that crossed my path.
However, for now, it’s time to put my head down and shut myself off from the wider world. To be truthful, in all honestly, I’m really looking forward to beginning my journey to becoming a bona fide creative and dedicating my time to something that I find truly stimulating and fascinating, after years of being forced to read dull academic papers, with little time for much else. There is nothing better than the feeling of really devoting yourself to your craft and feeling your knowledge literally build and expand within you.
And so, to my friends? It’s been nice knowing you. To my family? Thank you for everything. Thanks for providing me with a roof over my head that will shelter me whilst I undertake these tasks. For this delicious food, from which all of the energy and nutrition that I gain will be channelled towards reading and grafting, not a single joule of which shall be wasted on scrolling through what you refer to as ‘The Facebook’ or binging on ‘The Netflick’.
I look forward to updating you all on my progress in my next SCAB, which is likely to be a poem centring around the scenario of me crying into my dinner.