By Eva Menovsky

When I go through a lot of stress- and sadness- I shut down everything. So today I really needed to write (my first) SCAB, so I sat down and asked myself what do I want to write about, in this moment, straight from the heart. So here it is:

Since the moment I heard that I got accepted (still on vacation in Portugal, five weeks ago), my inner drive and motivation got out and I started to plan everything perfectly. I was still on the right track when I got home. But after a few days, when I finally had a moment to breath. I started to think about how my life is and how it will become. I started to think about what made me happy and realized that I needed a clean sheet. Out with the bad, in with the good (if that is even correct English?).  I wanted to be this kind of person, who doesn’t watch the time, where it doesn’t matter if you bake a chocolate pie in the middle of the night or even stay in your room all day doing nothing. Not worrying what time it is, what you need to do, where you need to be. 

So that feeling of freedom and carelessness, kind of contradicted the fact I needed to read 8 books, do my project, write SCABs and find a place to live.

Because I wanted to do one thing and needed to do the other. I felt so much pressure on myself and started to worry about everything I did, that I basically did nothing. 

Luckily it only lasted a few days. I guess I just needed time for myself since a lot has happened since I came back from Portugal. I realized that this is what I wanted to do. That I enjoy going to school and learning about things that I want to know. I was very excited to go to a new school in a new city with new people. 

But now as it’s getting closer I am getting sad of all the things I am leaving behind (yes, I know its only a year). But for the last two years I didn’t like it here, and now there is no other place I would want to be.

How the progress is going:

I am reading book three now and I did my passion project last week. I worked on it the entire week and exposed it on Thursday evening on a party in club AIR, Kattekwaad in Amsterdam.  I got positive feedback and even days after people still came to me. I couldn’t do it without some friends who helped me though. Now this week I edit everything so it will be done by Friday morning.

To do list:

–       Continue reading

–       Edit all the film material

–       Finding a flat to live

–       Start packing