By Bunmi Akinwale
Does my fear overpower my optimism??
I wasn’t really keen on going back into education at first. For example, getting back into the hierarchy system, being told what to do, what work is being set and having a due date, questioning myself whether or not I was bothered to do work. It just seemed quite long to get back into the routine. Furthermore the feeling of meeting new people, thinking how would they perceive me, would they understand what i represent? To be honest I was really anxious. During the interview process the intensity of the work that was stated from the previous students made me skeletal on whether I even want to get back into the world of ‘hard working’ . I mean overall, my hope was that my brain wouldn’t have to work too hard or not even enjoy the course and probably just drop our half way.
Okay so its annoying to admit that I actually enjoy the course! Its the knowledge that I’m gaining I guess and some of the interesting mentors are teaching me things that i haven’t heard of. I’m even reading! (i feel intelligent. lol) I have a wider understanding of using techniques that would benefit being a creative. I can identify with the techniques that are taught and apply them to work/ briefs that are set. If i am using it correctly is where I panic and as I often get mind block when thinking of something creative. We are advised that when we get to this stage we should change our current seated position or wonder around to retrieve ‘the childlike mind state’ to regain ideas. I don’t let the negatives overpower the positives in terms of criticism I receive from any of the mentors. Instead I take on the criticism, not to impress the mentors, but to prove to myself to be better plus I get to challenge my abilities. Absorbing all the knowledge that we were lucky enough to be taught, is sometimes overbearing which I need to separate the different theories in order to find the distinction within each.
Work that I have recently produced clearly shows the lack of experience, which I understand it is early days, but it does maybe question my abilities and will I ever be able to apply what I have been taught to work in the future. Working in a team are teaching me things about myself and how I need to adapt in order to produce great work as a collective. I just still find it difficult to come to terms with if work I contribute to the group is original enough to pull through. As a team it does make work easier because you don’t have to fully think of the whole concept as everyone’s contribution can make one piece of work more creditable due to the originality of the idea.
My automate fear is will i or my work) be good enough. I just hope I will learn the skills in time to be the most effective in the advertising world. I want my work to be respected more than my being, but that again, it can be shown within the artwork I produce. I would just have to put to practise what I have been taught in my own time to improve.