Catching up. By @blazve

The Dean bigadminjobs | October 20, 2015

Posted in Blog

Blaz Verhnjak

By Blaz Verhnjak

 

Catching up.

 

We were given a week without briefs and masterclasses which I was waiting for weeks. Not because I’m not enjoying briefs and masterclasses, but because I feel like every day at SCA gives so big bag of  experience and it takes you several days to take everything out and start using practices you have learned.

 

That’s why I see this week as a catchup week while I am already sitting in my favourite chair / parent’s house / Slovenia, thinking about my life in London and half term of SCA. 

Swiping through calendar I’m thinking about past 6 weeks and trying to relive my feelings during each week.  

1st week.

After days of dealing with burnout I feel strong and ready to start first day of SCA and amaze all. Bullshit. I get scared and I step into the bubble, blaming my english skills and lack of sleepless nights. By bubble I mean being introverted and scared of being myself. Ben the Buddhist is awesome. He tells things I wish I would have mastered before and avoid being burned out. Improv session is a torture – trying to be myself even though I am scared to be.

After whole week I feel safe for I feel that SCA will take care of me and it wants me to stay healthy and to be in better condition as I was before.

2nd week.

Still bubble. Persona workshop, agency visits and everything else we do in groups I am just nodding for I don’t want to expose myself even though holding my thought is killing me. All the activities are killing me because I’m just observing what others are doing and judging my work as ‘shit’.

I have a birthday, whole class surprises and scares me with singing ‘happy birthday’ and giving me caterpillar cake, which is weird kind of cake, but very good to eat. I’m in a need for friendships. 

3rd and 4th week

Still same: bubble + nodding + add some confusion because we lost some briefs therefore I’m asking myself what was my contribution and I am thinking how stupid Marc was for seeing potential in me. I enjoy time management classes and hate potatoes. I love working in Agency Name team although I still don’t feel like a contributor. Trying to talk to mentors, trying to ask but I’m still too scared. Don’t know why. I talked to Marc and now I understand how everything that is happening to me makes sense and should  be like this which makes me feel better.

5th week

Same: bubble + nodding + confusion. We finally moved to house with SCA students and for the first time since I’m in London I feel some security and get a chance to organise my life. I’m starting to think about how potential partners and it frustrates me because living in a bubble for weeks I must have looked like a dick to others. Is there a partner for me? 

Otherwise everything is the same.

6th week

Bubble + nodding + confusion.

Week I realise how important is to stay who I am and not be scared. I realise how I should be proud on unique dots I have and how trying to erase or overwrite them makes me useless for advertising. I realise how I should think about what’s my goal and sit on the driver’s seat. After I do that, I should just enjoy briefs and people around me, not taking everything too seriously and having fun by putting all my energy into one goal: be the best.  

Outcome. 

SCA is a school to be. I trust Marc and mentors. 

I just have to trust myself and stop erasing dots in my had but using them as my advantage for competing others. I have to kill fear of being wrong and start being myself. I have to stop be an introvert because it doesn’t suite me and it kills my creative powers. I have to start enjoying advertising again.

COUP… I’m here to help, here to hang, here to compete against you and here to mate with you. Partner wise 🙂