Being Vulnerable – By @beccimai27

The Dean bigadminjobs | October 7, 2015

Posted in Blog, Front, Keep

Becci Ford

By Becci Ford

 

Being Vulnerable

I’m learning more and more at SCA about how to fail, and deal with rejection. 

Having always been an A* student at school – failure isn’t something that I’m used to (as pretentious as it sounds) and in general throughout formal education failing and making mistakes is seen as a bad thing. Which is why creativity is restricted and taught in a conformist mold of what society deems to be ‘acceptable’. 

SCA couldn’t be further from that. At SCA I fail at least three times a day if not more, and if I go home and I haven’t failed then in my mind that means that I’m not doing it right. We are being taught to embrace failure as much as our successes and learn from them, because ultimately it’s only by learning from our failures that we can find out what works and what doesn’t. And from there we can inch outside of our comfort zones into new realms where others fear to tread. It’s only by failing we can allow ourselves to become visible, and to stand out from everybody else.

I’ll admit at the beginning I hated this, it goes against my natural instincts to celebrate failings…I’m competitive, driven and I don’t like to be vulnerable to people that I have only just met. However vulnerability I’m finding more and more is a vital part of becoming a brilliant creative. And the more you allow yourself to be vulnerable the more likely you are to be able to create great work.

So in the interest of being vulnerable – here is a list of what keeps me up at night and my weaknesses (hopefully people will still want to work we me after this!): 

1) I’m scared of moths…not the little dusty ones, just the giant crunchy ones…

2) I’m always afraid of hurting people’s feelings and will always put other peoples feelings before my own. 

3) Bread – since being in Korea I can’t eat it, but I still love it.

4) I love to be organised – but sometimes I spend more time organising, than on the actual project it self.

5) I’m a bit afraid that I’m not creative enough to be at SCA – despite wanting to do this for 3 years…

6) I find it hard to relax – the only time I can chill out properly is either hooping, cross stitching, singing or with a guitar in my hands, but I can’t just sit and zone out. 

7) I’m worried that I won’t find a creative partner, or that nobody ‘gets’ me.

 

8) I worry that I come off too bossy sometimes. 

9) I tend to over apologise for things…sorry…

10) At night I get scared of the dark…(yes, like a child I know…)

12) I fear death of loved ones – especially since 26th May 2014.

13) I criticise myself, when I should be kinder. 

14) I’m incredibly messy…despite being ‘organised’.

15) And like everybody else on this course…I rarely get enough sleep.

There – my vulnerabilities laid bare make of them what you will…it’s scary to be exposed but it also feels liberating. 

This has been a bit of a dark SCAB so to lighten the mood and collect another dot tonight…have some K-pop on me (enjoy!):

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t3ULhmadHkg