By Adeline Vandale

 

Week one, day one.

 

An introduction to comedy

I’m nervous and shaking

A couple of exercises

I’m crying already.

 

Melina likes sexy times

Susie likes playing cricket

Phil likes to surf

And everyone is great.

 

It’s only day one

Belly’s knotted as hell

Guts tell me: Run!

The journey has begun.

 

 

Week two, day two.

 

A new face appears

Hell as fuck smiley

Introduced to new teacher

His name’s Mr Cee.

 

“Tell me about love

Tell me about hate

This is one technique

Amongst at least eight.”

 

He wants to laugh

I should be funny

Nervously laughing and crying

Mr Cee, I’m really sorry.

 

Week three, day three.

 

We had homework due

I didn’t write anything

He won’t be happy

Mr Cee, again, sorry.

 

“I don’t care, mate

Go on stage now,

You will not succeed 

Unless you actually try.”

 

Talking about festival poop

I am nervously laughing

And crying like hell

My belly is hurting.

 

Week four, day four.

 

This time I’m prepared,

I’ve written some lines,

Holly has helped me,

Nothing will stop me.

 

Cries are coming early

Unfortunately, too much pressure,

Not from Mr Cee,

But all from me.

 

Why am I doing this?

I won’t make it,

I wanna go home,

Forget all about it.

 

Week five, day five.

 

I’ve been rehearsing today,

And wrote new lines,

If I’m crying tonight,

This’ll be the sign.

 

I’m up and shaking

Speaking, miming even rhyming

What is happening here?

Has my anxiety disappeared?

 

“What happened to you?

You were so great

Now write bit more

And you will detonate!”

 

Week six, day six.

 

Mic’s got sound now,

Is that my voice?

This is very scary

Please go away anxiety.

 

I’m telling new lines

I think they’re laughing

I’m forgetting some punchlines

But no one’s noticing.

 

“Second part was you,

Work more on this,

Rewrite all that part

And you’re ready Miss.”

 

 

On the final day

My nerves are raking

Can’t feel my legs,

Crunch-time is coming.

 

We all rehearse together

Fuck they’re all funny

They’re so much better

Guess who’s back? Anxiety.

 

It’s half past three

I wanna drop out

But I hear him saying

“What you on about?”

 

I’m first to go

My legs are shaking

I’m forgetting my lines

Anxiety is really hitting. 

 

Crowd is getting loud

I hear my name

I’m getting on stage

Five minutes of fame.

 

Not forgetting my lines

Still feeling nervous

Five minutes felt short

For all my verses. 

 

“Appearing on stage proud

Made crowd cheers loud”

Left the stage happy

Crowd’s cheering for me.

 

I’m crying of nerves.

I feel quite happy.

I fucking did it.

Thank you, Mr Cee.